You just can't make this shit up...

This trouble ticket came in today. Seriously, you just can't make this up...

I am a student at university park and I am trying to upload my database
onto my unix account at solix. I am having a little trouble getting the codic
from my diskette to the unix server. First I tried loading the files onto the
pc then cutting and pasting them onto the unix account using the pico command.
I found that I could not cut or paste.
SO now what I am trying to do is open a vax account with the pine command and
sending the codic via email, but I cannot login to pine. the username and
password are invalid. please help me find a way to upload my database. there
are alot of programs for the gcc complier in c++.

Here's an explanation of what's wrong with this, for the non-technically minded:

• We don't support solix, only Computer Science systems. But barring that...
• What the heck is a "codic"? And if he meant codec, what does that have to do with databases?
• You're trying to cut and paste files through pico? pico is a text editor! Unless it's a text file, good luck!
• A VAX account? We haven't had a VAX system on this campus in about seven years.
• Even if we had a VAX system still, since when do you use PINE to open an account on them?
• If you can't log into your email account, how in the heck did you send this message? (yes, it came from their campus email account)
• Yes, there's a lot of C++ programs out there. What does this have to do with anything?

Wow. Seriously, every time you think you've seen it all, something like this surprises you again. Jeeez!